Love Is Not A Valentine By Miranda Watkins 

With valentines here, it is timely to think, and write about love.  Love is a complex emotion that underlies many of our emotional and psychological distresses in life. This could be relating to love with your partner, your child, your parent, friend or SELF love. 
 
The legend of St Valentines, and indeed with a lot of popular love stories are marked by tragedy, passion, grief and drama...(note - Romeo and Juliet) which is filled with excitement and intense emotion. This then becomes a template that we strive for, but is actually what we could call As i began to love myselfan attachment. An attachment to the idea of the romance, the person or ideal we are striving to have. But this is not the true essence of love, which, in it's healthy experience offers comfort, safety and feeling settled. 
 
 
We often think of love as correlating with intense emotions, perhaps passion, and a roller coaster of powerful emotional connections. This can also result in loss of aspects of our self, when we see or even experienced being caught up in emotional dramas. This is often described as being 'in love' and is more akin with an 'attachment' we have for that other person. 
 
In order to experience love we have to pass through the stages of passion and become more settled and companionate. Love is accepting what will be, will be; including if it is letting go if that's needed. Love is having the quiet confidence that it is ok, even when there are conflicts or arguments. It is loving that person and seeing their flaws and vice versa. Love can be hard. Attachment however, can be blind.  It can end up like a blurry line of insecurity and clinginess.
 
In order to experience love, one must let go of attachment, which is conditional, and want happiness for the other regardless of oneself. It is also prioritising happiness for our self independent of being with any other. Meaningful relationships are intricately woven with shared experience; an understanding and acceptance of the other person and yourself; and navigating the conflicts and differences that can ultimately bring us closer together. 
 
So, I'd invite you to consider offering love to you first this Valentines Day, and tending to your self because ultimately in knowing yourself you will become your own best life's travelling companion. 
 
 
 
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