Inspired Living 2016 By Miranda Watkins  

Ok so let's get real. I've learned to love myself by being by myself - travelling myself and enjoying the random and amusing conversations occurring in my head. In reality, no one else could keep up with me and I can dress as I like (even if it looks like a muppet vomited up a fraggle - 80's reference and I do like my colour and own style). I can do things on my own time, and yes, I'm contactable if necessary but there is a beautiful comfort in knowing you are not needed and everyone is ok right now. Nowhere, or no-one I have to be answerable to or to keep abreast of my movements, which are likely to change like the weather.

I can play my music, read, work on my brilliant ideas (me, myself and I) and decide my priorities. I think we all need time to be alone and do this, but it's not always pleasant, especially if we don't love or appreciate ourselves.

We have a choice to learn to heal ourselves and learn to like our own company because at the end of the day this is where we spend our lives, In our self. We can immerse our self in our environment and get into life but if we can make our inner self a sanctuary - well, we are set up for a lifelong love affair with our own life, like it or not it is ours. So become your own BFF and if you are not, maybe we can help facilitate at Evolve Wellbeing, because we are psychologists who have done and are doing real life and creating the life worth living.

Here is another link to explore if you're keenly brave:- Traveling Solo - 7 life lessons from the road

Self Compassion By Miranda Watkins 

Forgiveness or "Letting Yourself Off The Hook" By Miranda Watkins 

The very word 'forgiveness' can instigate different feelings in a person, usually painful or distressing. It inevitably will require us to recall hurts, painful moments and people with whom we may have held a grudge or anger towards. In the most intense form, this is hatred - the opposite of love - yet can be an emotion that is all-consuming and intense.
Forgiveness however, is more than a word or concept - it is an act and process that can ultimately free us of this distress and emotional bonds that keep us a victim to our own 'anger' or resentment. Holding on to anger towards a person or their actions that have hurt (whether intentional or unintentional) will only maintain a role as the victim or martyr who has been wronged. When we think of the hurt, it merely recalls why we are angry and reinforces and intensifies that feeling. Therefore 'venting' can sometimes be harmful as we are just reinvesting in poisonous thoughts and getting ourselves worked up as if we are back in that moment.

Great neuroscientists of the world like Professor Dan Siegal and Bessel Van De Kolk are now promoting the idea that WE ARE WIRED FOR CONNECTION.  Deep down I think we all know that we desire connection from those that we love and care for especially from our family of origin and also our current family and especially our loved partner and children.  Somehow I don’t think we needed to be told this news but it’s interesting that it is now coming out in scientific research studies.

When we don’t feel connected we are more likely to suffer feelings of depression, anxiety and stress.  We are more likely to behave in ways that to others may be interpreted as irrational or appear very vulnerable. Many people fear connection as well as desiring it.  This may be due to their own life experience where they have been emotionally or physically hurt because they trusted someone dear to them.  When we lost trust, we lost a sense of ourselves as being not loveable and we can often unconsciously push people away because of fear of being hurt.  

Griffith University psychology studies have found that relationship counselling often has great impact on the healing of depression, anxiety and stress more so than individual counselling.  This makes sense in light of our need for CONNECTION with others, as we don’t live in isolation, we live in RELATIONSHIP.  A relationship that nurtures with respect, no naming, shaming, blaming or criticism is the fertiliser that grows CONNECTION.  Feeling loved and cherished and special is usually a sign that we are feeling CONNECTED in the right areas of our lives. 

Judi Barwick
Certified Imago Relationship Therapist
Gottman l 1, 2 and 3 Trained Relationship Therapist
Mental Health Accredited Social Worker (MAASW)

Empathy- The Gift Of Therapy By Rachel Garcia

There are times in life when you just need someone who listens, who doesn’t judge, and who allows you to just be at the stage you are at without pushing you to go faster. Sometimes this is during the tough times - and at those times you just want to be really truly heard.

This is one of the gifts of therapy- having someone who is on your side, and who listens with empathy. Empathy is where someone understands something as if they were walking in your shoes. They understand how you are feeling. There is something quite wonderful about that. The gift of empathy facilitates growth and healing. It helps to free you from the things that are holding you down.

At a scientific level, researchers have found that ‘mirror neurons’ in the brain allow a person to understand behaviours in another person, and to respond to them in a corresponding way. When a person receives empathy from a therapist, this process is what is occurring. So, receiving empathy from a therapist can help in a very real way. 

The Gift Of Therapy By Michelle Chiang

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. - by William James”

When I think of the word “therapy”, the mental imagine of two people sitting opposite of each other, the therapist intently listening to the other and actively engaging in a two-way dialogue with the client. In that moment, the therapist completely accepts what the client brings to the table regardless of what he or she is sharing. It is one of those rare moments in life whereby a person can have the liberty to share in a context where there is no judgement and no condemnation but to purely being accepted for who they are. True acceptance means the therapist is willing to listen to all that the client wants to share and to approach the situation with an accepting attitude towards the individual yet to maintain an objective manner towards the client’s behaviour(s). In addition to that, it is an attitude that the client should be able to model on through their therapist, “self acceptance.” This is an art that can often be overlooked as most of us struggle to have that inner peace to accept ourselves, including our strengths as well as our weaknesses – yet as any human that have ever lived, we all have weaknesses that we need to eventually accept and tolerate. Yet those attitudes make a huge difference as to how we look at ourselves. For most of us, our deepest desire is to be heard, to be acknowledged, and to be appreciated and accepted.

To continue the theme of mindfulness I will review some techniques that can be incorporated into the daily routines of life. As a result, you may find that the 'routines' are not so mundane or even routine at times. Mindfulness can enable an appreciation of our lived life and allow us to be present in each moment regardless of what we observe as happening in that moment.

The first is an observation of the breath... Right now just notice the flow of your breath...

Minfulness In Daily Life By Miranda Watkins 

In recent weeks, I have had space and time to reflect,  and a theme that has been present has been that of mindfulness. Recently co- facilitating a yoga retreat and returning to the hectic schedule that daily life often affords has been an opportunity to emphasise the benefits of this practice in my life, so as I can then teach to others.

Bouncing Back To Resilience By Miranda Watkins

Resilience, by definition, is the ability to bounce back from life's adversity.

Life has many challenges and it is not the efforts to avoid them but how we respond that can be a predictor of our overall coping. Resilience is something that can be taught and developed in childhood. It can also be learned as an adult, and this growth can provide a buffer to deal with potential hardships. Resilience can be about prevention and not just coping strategies. Building resilience can enhance all domains of life - from relationships, family life and working life to adapting through life transitions.

Evolve Into Happiness By Miranda Watkins 

As a psychologist, I commonly work with people presenting with symptoms of high distress; such as anxiety or depression, and their stated goal usually follows "I just want to be happy". Simple enough, yet as humans we all strive for this destination of happiness and often mistake it as a sense of feeling "joy or pleasure". The craving for this idea actually creates unhappiness. While focusing on a future destination, we can miss out on the journey along the way, and happiness is a culmination of moments and opportunities. Yet the tragedy is, we are often looking elsewhere..... Whether we are caught up in our minds - future or past thoughts, worrying or stressing or stewing on situations that are not even in the NOW, then we rob ourselves of the chance to be happy.